My son’s not into you.
It’s true. I’m sorry. Don’t take it personally.
Here’s the thing, my son likes girls, but he’s still trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. Girls haven’t even been factored into the equation yet.
Middle school is this awkward period in life when everyone changes. Bodies change. Thoughts change. Emotions change. Interests change. One moment my son’s dropping swear words in the locker room because it’s cool. The next, he’s thinking of starting a chess club because that’s equally cool.
It’s called growth.
Most boys take longer to go through this process than girls, and that’s okay. Sure, there are some mature individuals doing far more mature things at a younger age. That’s a topic for another day.
But here, now, you and him? Not happening.
It’s not you. (or me) It’s him.
He’s trying to find his place in his social circle, and even in the larger school social network. He’s more concerned about what the other boys think than anything. Wondering if his joke is funny. If he’s perceived as smart or athletic or nerdy and if that perception is cool or not. Spoiler: it doesn’t matter, but he has to figure that out on his own.
My son’s not analyzing boy/girl conversations and interactions. If you have a three-minute conversation with him between classes and the next day, he hardly says three words, don’t take it personally. If you call or text and he doesn’t respond, know he doesn’t always respond to me either, and I have the authority to punish.
My best piece of advice? Don’t waste too much energy crushing on boys that are still learning that girls don’t have cooties. Do what makes you happy. What gives you joy. And someday, when my son is in a more mature state, he’ll see that happiness and joy and be drawn to it.
