Tonight as I was scarfing my dinner down at a pace that would put a wild dog to shame, I looked up to find my husband watching me. He then said, “I feel like we are in the middle of a hurricane.” Dusty was right. A hurricane was the perfect description of our evening. Our baby was wailing; our two-year-old whining about his dinner; and our four-year-old was running circles around the table squealing.
Losing myself in the chaos
This is a typical dinner in our house. Ever since our youngest daughter was born, our house has been more chaotic. I don’t get a minute to myself. My day consists of caring for my kids from the moment they get up in the morning until I see their sweet sleeping faces at night. It’s a wonderful chaos, but sometimes, I feel like I am losing myself in that chaos.
Ideally, I would wake up early each morning and meditate for 15 minutes before my kids get up. I would calm my mind, and check in with myself. I would make sure that I am taking care of my own needs; that I am living life so that I don’t feel like I need to take a break from it all. Unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to do it. Night-feeding a baby wreaks havoc on my sleep schedule, and makes it hard to wake up on time, let alone wake up early enough to meditate.
Since Victoria (our baby) was born last December, my days have revolved around her sleep schedule. She isn’t a fan of the expensive rocking chair I bought JUST for her, so I spend my days (and many of my nights) pacing her back and forth trying to get her to fall asleep. No matter what I do, her older siblings manage to wake her up at least once per nap.
In case you are curious, I have tried hiding her in pretty much every nook and cranny of our house while she naps, and the results are the same. I hate feeling like I can’t get a minute to myself because someone always needs me. In the case of nap-time, I am mad that I can’t just sit in the rocker and rock my baby while numbing my brain by playing on my phone. I deserve that phone break! I try so hard to take care of everyone else and never have time for myself. That five minutes on my phone was going to be my “me time.”
Finding peace in the moment
One day, I was pacing, frustrated again. It was the third time in one nap that I had to put Victoria back to sleep. Walking and bouncing, I realized that it was quiet (I had set my older children up with play-dough before I went to Victoria’s room). Since I wasn’t on my phone tuning out like I normally do, I started thinking. I took inventory of my day, what still needed to be done, what was what was on my mind that day and, most importantly, how I could calm my frazzled nerves and find peace in that moment.
Taking time to meditate while pacing Victoria helped me feel sane in the chaos of my life with three kids.
My experience in that moment changed how I feel about putting Victoria to sleep multiple times during a nap. Now, when I find myself pacing her back and forth, I take that moment to check in with myself. I take inventory of how I feel, how to help my older children feel loved, where I can improve, and what will help me to feel like a human and not a mom-zombie.
Self-care time
I want to have a life where I am always practicing self-care. When brief moments of meditation replace playing on my phone, I can create a life that I want to live in every day. Next time you find yourself in a quiet moment, instead of zoning out on your phone or a different screen, I challenge you to take inventory of your soul. It doesn’t matter where you are. I promise you’ll find more peace that way.
