I Can’t Wait to Never Be Pregnant Again:: My Guilt and Exhaustion

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“I can’t wait to never be pregnant again . . . .”

I spoke these words out loud to my husband after a discussion where he expressed concerns, feeling like things were changing between us. I was heartbroken because I knew what he was talking about and I knew what the root was:

My third pregnancy . . . .

It’s been HARD.

This pregnancy has been morning sickness that had me cave into taking medication even though I try to stay medicine-free during pregnancy (And it only helps subside the sickness.)

It’s been working full time—plus the exhaustion that comes from creating a human—plus keeping up with our own two and five year old.

I’m just so tired of being tired.

Differences in body changes the third time around have me avoiding mirrors. (That’s not very normal for me.) So this, with the exhaustion and the sickness, doesn’t make me love my husband any less, but it doesn’t help me be the wife he is used to.

And there’s no way for him to ever understand this because he can literally never know how I feel. His body wasn’t created to give birth. Mine was.

Oh, and I can’t forget to mention the day-halting migraines. They’re not foreign to me, but they were never something I experienced while being pregnant, and they also have never been so frequent.

I Can't Wait to Never Be Pregnant Again Omaha Mom“I can’t wait to never be pregnant again . . . .”

So the guilts and the frustrations and the exhaustion made me spill the beans. I can’t wait to never be pregnant again.

Looking back, I’m disappointed that I said it. I know there are women crying out there, “I can’t wait to be pregnant!” And they never are, or they lose baby after baby. And I’m sitting here with a healthy one on track to a birthday.

My emotions and my true feelings at that moment made me say something that I don’t necessarily regret, but I definitely don’t take lightheartedly. I’m extremely grateful for the blessing to continue to grow our family. I’m still and always will be so fascinated by the miraculous ability to create another human with my own body.

But this time has been difficult, challenging my mind and body to an extreme.

I want women out there to know that even in the worst conditions, I wish we all could experience this. Women out there struggling through pregnancy to know you’re not alone, and it isn’t always sunshine and butterflies with that “pregnancy glow.” And to the women who haven’t been through this journey and may never will, I believe God will bless you with a child in one way or another.

Pregnancy is a season that leads into another season with a new baby. This time around, I’m just ready for the season with the baby to come quicker.

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Brittanee was born in Denver, CO and moved to North Platte, NE when she was seven. She has been married to her high school sweetheart since 2013 and after graduating from UNK in 2014 she moved to Washington where her husband was stationed with the Navy. There, they would have their first daughter before moving to South Carolina where their second daughter would be born. In May of 2020 after her husband's contract with the Navy was up, her and her family happily moved back to their home state and made roots in Omaha where they couldn't be more grateful to be. Brittanee enjoys all things family, reading, spending time outdoors, working with kids, being artsy fartsy, and is honored with the privilege to write for Omaha Mom. She's always down for lazy days on the couch watching movies or binging a good show.

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